the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
