She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
