I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
soo... how was my night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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