I wish I could teleport
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
