I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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