we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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