I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
