what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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