Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
