I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
the raccoons are back...
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