Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize