my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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