i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
