I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
