I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
