my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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