Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
