she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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