fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
