Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
