Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize