I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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