bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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