We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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