I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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