someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
