I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
