i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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