I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize