Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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