we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
