He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize