btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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