I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize