lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
