And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
