Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
