do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
