Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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