I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I party with great urgency now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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