I think my fart just growled at me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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