you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize