i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
