they need to just BURY HIM!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
