her vagine was all disorganized.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
