i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
