Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
