I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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