Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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