The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
