so explain again why im purple
no
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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