if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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