She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
