Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
