oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
