My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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