I wish my penis had an off switch
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
