O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
