Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"

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(772): View more from Florida

I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.

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(443): View more from Maryland

8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..

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(480): View more from Arizona

They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."

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(630): View more from Illinois

all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

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(916): View more from California

It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.

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(406): View more from Montana

If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze

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