He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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