Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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