i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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