Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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