I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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